please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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