i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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