The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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