i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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