flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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