are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize