If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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