last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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