OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize