Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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