Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize