Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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