After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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