hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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