We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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