Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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