I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
COCAINE IS GR8
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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