Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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