WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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