have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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