i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
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Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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