Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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