I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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