I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize