Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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