you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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