I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
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I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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