And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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