I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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