my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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