I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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