Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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