oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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