I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize