she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize