I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize