I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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