I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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