He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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