I love black thongs
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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