Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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