the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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