I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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