Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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