i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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