Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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