He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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