My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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