I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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