If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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